When Life Lost Meaning
There was a season in my life when I completely lost hope. Nothing seemed to work. Though my hands and legs were not physically bound, I often locked myself inside my house—confined, broken, and defeated. Most of my days were spent in my room, crying.
Life had lost meaning. I was too discouraged to even clean my home or take care of myself. Even though I had given my life to Christ, prayed frequently, read my Bible, and fasted occasionally, nothing seemed to change. I thought maybe my hopelessness came from being jobless, so I began applying for jobs. But after countless rejections, I became numb to disappointment.
Whenever I tried to make new friends, the relationships never lasted. People found me strange, and I often ended up alone again. Sleep also became a struggle. I would stay up all night watching random shows, fall asleep around six in the morning, then wake up two hours later to another meaningless day.
At some point, I started drinking wine to help me feel good and fall asleep. What began as a small comfort quickly became a habit. Then I became sick and went to the hospital. After running several tests, the doctor said they couldn’t find anything wrong but that I showed symptoms of depression and needed rest from work. What they didn’t know was that I didn’t even have a job to rest from.
Because I rarely take medicine, I refused the prescribed treatment. Deep down, I felt lost and helpless. You might be wondering—where was my family? Well, I live in the diaspora, and anyone who has lived abroad knows that people move on with their lives, especially once they have families of their own. I was completely alone.
The Turning Point
One day, I grew tired of my situation and decided to go on a 21-day Daniel fast. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I ate only lentils and tortillas, and because I was used to eating without restraint, the fast felt almost impossible. Still, I pushed through and completed it.
But just a week after finishing the fast, I started experiencing terrifying spiritual attacks. Every time I tried to sleep, I would wake up suddenly, trembling. When I managed to fall asleep, I felt paralyzed—aware that something was on my bed but unable to move or speak. These were things I had never experienced before.
In desperation, I decided to fast again. Amazingly, the attacks stopped.
On the third day of this second fast, I had a vivid dream. For months, I hadn’t remembered my dreams, but this one felt so real.
The Dream
I found myself inside a freshly dug pit—dark, deep, and damp. I could smell the wet soil. When I looked up, I could barely see the sky. Yet, strangely, I could see everything inside the pit clearly.
Then I saw it—a small black snake, the size of a pen but extremely long, about five meters. It was calm, almost asleep, but every time I moved, it opened its eyes and watched me.
I knew I had to escape. Gathering all my courage, I began climbing out of the pit. When I finally reached the top, I realized I was in a dense forest. I turned to look back—and the snake had followed me.
Awakening to the Spiritual Battle
That dream opened my eyes. I come from a background deeply involved in witchcraft, but I had always believed that since I had given my life to Christ, prayed, fasted, and read the Word, such things could no longer affect me.
You may have a thousand Bible verses to explain it differently—but this experience changed my understanding completely. I realized that what I was facing wasn’t just depression. There was something deeper, something spiritual behind my isolation, rejection, sleeplessness, hopelessness, and poverty.
That was the moment I began my journey to self-deliverance.
“if the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? Psalm 11:3″
